No Words Can Console

The news is filled with emerging details of yesterday’s tragedy.

Questions of why and how are circulating as we try to understand what could permit such senseless suffering.

The blame is being determined and the question of stricter gun control circulate as the possible answer.

As a parent of a kindergarten and the wife of a teacher the events of yesterday feel very really to me, as if this were not an incident across the country, but one in my own small town. The world cries together as we share the pain.

This to me speaks of the answer- The realization that we are not separate from each other. The children lost are our own children. The shooter, a lost member of our own community. It is the illusion of separateness, the pain of isolation that breeds the delusion required to act in this manner.

Yes, guns are the device used to carry out a gruesome mission, but they are not the cause of this tragedy.

It is the lonely heart trying to ease its pain by forcing it on others. It is the young, lost soul with only stories of glorified violence to guide it in its mission to be a hero.  I watch the coverage in the media and I wonder how this attention would appeal to those who feel they don’t get the attention they deserve. To those who want to be recognized- even if it means being the bad guy in the story.

The mental health of humanity needs to be addressed. The violence that we accept as normal in even the cartoons designed for young children, the sensational broadcasts that exalt the gunman, the lack of community to humanize one another- to me these are what cause the increase in shootings.

We have the breading grounds for ego delusion and unfortunately the fire power accessible to those who choose to act upon it.

The moment I found out about the shooting I was blessed to receive a healing meditation that gave me an outlet for my grief. For 11 minutes I chanted RA MA DA SA SA SAY SO HUM with my hands interlaced over my heart. My love and healing went to the souls of the lost children, I felt their confusion as they tried to make sense of what happened and then to the families grieving, my heart went out to the community and the shock they must be experiencing. After many minutes in meditation I was guided to a place that I at first resisted. The healing energy I was working to generate shifted towards the young gunman, the dark, intense hurt that was the cause of all this suffering. I felt a repulsion at this urge to direct healing towards the soul of this killer. In that moment I realized that this is exactly where healing needed to flow. By seeking to heal the shadow that acted out this horror I was not condoning the shooting, but hopefully enabling the energy from recreating the pattern.

This was a huge shift for me. To really feel that I could be a conduit for healing, and to not just direct it to those that I could empathize with, but those that I could not understand, could not accept, was a powerful moment in a situation that made me feel powerless.

It made me want to expand all my meditations to include the dark, psychotic, neglected and confused in my circles of love. These are the aspects of myself that need healing and these are the aspects of society that are crying out for recognition. The beautiful thing is that in acknowledging these energies they lose their ominous power. They become just potential energy that can be released with a deep breath and intention. We must visit this dark place so that we can own it as our own, know our way around it so that we do not stumble into it unaware.

We must bring the shooters, the gunman into our collective community. Send their confused souls love, healing, light and send this to all who could easily follow in their path. Love is the force that will disarm- not a ban or a battle in government.


When I got home yesterday, I gave my son a big hug and held his sweet pudgy hand in my own. I vowed to slow down, and take more moments to feel my love instead of racing from place to place with him in tow. I decided to share the love I have for everyone without restraint. Life is too short not to share as much love as you can even with those who do not inspire love.

About the Author

TayaTaya Malakian is a poet, an artist, a yogini, a mother, and a minister/spiritual advisor. She strives to bring deep wisdom, ceremony and soulfulness into every aspect of daily life. She lives in Nevada City, Ca.View all posts by Taya →